I guess it would be rude to suggest that maybe there are more important criteria than "how much money does this guy earn" or "what material security does this person bring to the table" on which to base a relationship…but that’s what I’m going to suggest in this article.

I've *always* had money problems.  I was born with them, and have never overcome them.  Neither of my parents were good money managers, and I'm so scatterbrained and "mad scientist" in my intellectual pursuits I barely manage to remember to eat sometimes, let alone to pay bills.

Yet the majority of my life has been spent busting my hump for any number of reasons and causes, usually with little to no compensation.  From booking and managing bands to the work I did for GLT and RLTT to the hours I’ve spent being a friendly ear or shoulder when I should have been out trying to make money, my life has always been guided not by what put the most material wealth in my hands, but what actions I could take that would have the greatest positive impact.  Trying to teach a girl at a vulnerable moment that becoming a sorostitute is not much of a life plan seems more important to me than making another two dollars and forty cents, minus gas.

I spend ridiculous amounts of time I don't have trying to help people and do good things and improve the world as best I can through advising, creating, and caring.  I've had more volunteer positions than jobs.  On any given weekend, as many as a fifth of my customers (currently a taxi driver for cash) don't pay at all because they haven't called a cab - rather I've found them walking alone in the freezing middle of the night and offered them a free ride because nobody should have to freeze their butts off for lack of six dollars, and I've done it, and it sucks, so I try to help when someone needs it...and it's not particularly rare that this leads to more advice or comfort when we find out she's walking because some DB fratboy threw her out of the house when she wouldn't sleep with him or something.  I do these things freely, and I don’t resent anyone I’ve spent time with for the time I’ve spent with them, even if it meant losing money.  Indeed, it makes me much sadder when my regular customers who I have a social relationship with stop calling to say hello, than when I have a slow night money-wise.

My boss at the cab company hates this for a lot of reasons, most of all because he thinks I’m being duped by perky college tits.  I’m not against perky college tits, but I’m a little old to be led around by them.  No, the reality is just that I’ve always had a soft spot for a girl in trouble, so I try to help – I don’t expect anything in return, least of all sex or some chance romantic meeting.  I just hope they call me back when they can afford to pay for a ride.

They never do, and then two weeks later I’ll see them again in the same garish half-outfit, debasing themselves by pursuing – with embarrassing commitment - the biggest douchebag on campus just because he drives a Lexus or a Land Rover or a Hummer.

But, because I refuse to turn my talents toward generating income for a business or person I don't respect - which covers pretty much the entirety of the world's corporate structure - the price I pay is being a "slacker," having no income, remaining single into my 40's because I don't have the shiny toys and gigantic bank account that seem to be the primary attributes women look for in men these days.  When I could have spent my time playing rock star and generally killing myself for huge income and all the female companionship a guy could dream of, instead I spent my time trying as best I could to raise my daughter - ten years of my life in which every single woman I met assumed that I was a worthless freeloader because I wasn't driving a new BMW.  Of course if I was a single MOM, I could find some guy who would support me and my kid in exchange for sex and/or love…as a single DAD, however, this is not something that happens very often.

The sad thing is...this is exactly the same mentality I faced growing up as a poor off-white kid in a rich white suburb, and it kinda breaks my heart to be approaching 40 years old and realizing that no, generally speaking the world doesn't seem to ever grow past that shallow avarice and urge to 'keep up with the Joneses' that crippled my social skills as a kid and has left me generally disgusted with western society as an adult.  That day I was waiting for when it wouldn't matter whether I had a lil alligator on my shirt...it never came.

Where this gets almost comedic, though, is when it’s women complaining about their men not earning or working hard enough…yet there’s little to no realization that the push for women’s rights included a cutting in half of the available job pool.  There’s no grasp of the notion that equality means it’s up to you, too, to provide for your family, and entirely up to you to provide for yourself until you can talk a guy into marrying you who is also willing to be your sole source of income.

Of course there are the practical considerations, and I don’t mean to suggest that one – male or female – should simply ignore the financial status of a potential partner.  I’m just saying that it shouldn’t be the only, or even primary, criteria.  Especially when it seems to pretty much invariably leads women into dating guys who are abusive, infantile, disrespectful, unfaithful, or stupid.  There are a lot of things in this world that constitute worthwhile effort and good work, but may not constitute a decent income.  I’m pretty sure Mother Theresa wasn’t worried about her 401k.

I also don’t mean to suggest that I think all women are gold-diggers, or even that taking finances into account is an inherently bad thing…it becomes bad when it’s the only, or primary, consideration though.  I think the thing that really strikes me is how many women I see or hear having conversations like this, who never begin to realize how deeply offensive their attitude is.  That after all I’ve done with my life, I am still judged primarily on what I’m wearing or driving, constitutes a massive failure of our entire social structure.  Our parents have failed, our leaders have failed, and WE have failed, so long as we continue to judge people based on their income rather than the merits of their character.

But the saddest thing of all is knowing – KNOWING – that each of these women who today complains about the ‘slackers’ in their past, has at one time or another in her life looked past the best man she could find simply because he didn’t have enough money…and lord knows not everyone figures this out, but there’s a reason you can’t buy real love:

It’s priceless.

Just something to think about.