BlogEngine.Net has a new release version out, but the upgrade process looks just complex enough that I probably won’t tackle it again until my next day off (which I really hope is Monday).
In the “I just can’t believe this” department: Tried to sneak out with my van for a quick spin to the store the other day and blew a tire a quarter-mile from home…just far enough to make sure there was no repairing the old one after driving it back. Then I hit my b-i-l up for a ride to the store since he’d just got home…and we smacked a deer. Suddenly that whole “having my car on the road next week” thing seems like a pipe dream…FML.
Had a long and pretty intense discussion with my friend Keren last night about the nature of ‘distractions’ and ‘diversions,’ and how what my well-intentioned advisors consider ‘distractions,’ I consider the whole point of my life – helping people, making music, finding answers, touching people and leading and guiding and doing my best to use the talents I was given as I am best equipped to see fit for the purpose of leaving the planet a better place for my having been on it.
NOTHING about that in my life has EVER suggested that happiness, stability, meaning, or purpose will be found in trying to bust my hump grinding out just enough dollars to eat on and keep taking “baby steps” and “paying my dues” and “doing the right thing,” where “the right thing” is defined as postponing my goals until I can kill myself working to make someone else’s dream come true while chasing the carrot of “just gotta put enough money together to do my own thing.” Horse feathers.
It’s time to stop playing games. I need serious, clean money ASAP, and I’m tired of putting it off so that I can cover someone else’s hangups about what constitutes “work” or “worthwhile effort.”
Meantime, I do have to eat and pay bills right this minute, so it’s off to work I go. This whole setup is gonna be changing real soon. It sucks, and it makes my life suck, and I’m sick of my life sucking just because I’m not a big enough jerk to hurt people in order to get what I think I need to do what I think I need to do.
Sorry these entries have been so bitter lately. I’m frustrated beyond belief.
Peace, love, and granola.
-jh