I know, all I talk about lately is me and this site.  I’m kind of in “meta-mode” right now; working on the tools that will enable me to continue doing whatever it is that I’m doing here, and hopefully improve the way I do it over time.  I apologize if it’s become boring, but once I get this site design in a condition I can accept, I’ll be back to creating content.

This is actually a two-fold issue; the other fold is that I’m rather dead broke (still, mostly) and working a whole bunch of hours (as I’ve mentioned here before), so my ability to produce new content has been rather strained.  I do have a few rants and raves stored up.  I’m also trying to get into the habit of writing down key words, phrases, or thoughts that come to me during the day, so I can use them later.

This dangerously approaches the idea of actually writing something ahead of time before I talk about it…which seems almost sacrilegious.  All of the videos I’ve put up have been more or less off-the-cuff, maybe using some ideas or what-not that I’d been using in conversation, but generally off the cuff in response to whatever’s on my mind at the moment.

I’m concerned that I won’t be able to remember my lines.  Then I think PASTEBOARD but I don’t have the money for that.  anyone got a sp…hey, actually there’s a spare whiteboard at the Big Daddy office.  I should see if they’ll let me snarf it.  Then I’d just need – like to have – an easel or something to set it on off-camera so that I can read it.

OMG I JUST INVENTED THE TELEPROMPTER!  <republicans>No wonder you like Obama so much!</republicans>

Anyway.  I continue slowly getting my crap together, as much as I ever do anyway.  It never ceases to tickle me how often friends and even strangers come to me for advice.  I give good advice – the best I can, and people come back so I assume they found it worthwhile – and that’s great and all and it makes me feel useful and meaningful.  But for some reason I’ve never been able to advise myself.  I know what I want to do, but I always have problems getting it done…and folks I’m running out of time here.  I’m almost 40.  On a GOOD day that means my life is more or less halfway over.  If I don’t improve the hell out of my living situation pretty quick, it means my life is a lot more than halfway over.  I’m running out of time, and I have much to accomplish.

Hell, I have EVERYTHING to accomplish.  And you never know when the end is coming.  I’ve been expecting my mom to die of cancer or some other preventable lifestyle-related disease since I was a kid, but the way the cancer took her over Christmas…it was literally like four weeks from “there’s some kind of problem here” to the memorial service.

Circumstance keeps pushing my hand and forcing me to devote time and energy that I don’t have so that I can earn the money to cover the resources to devote time and energy to things I actually want to do in this world, from making music to making love.

I keep pushing back.

Today, I feel like I’m winning.  Slowly and painfully, but winning.  But tempus is still fugiting away even at this very moment, and my awareness of it has hit a bit of a fever pitch (and yes, I’m fully aware of the possibility that some of this is psychological fallout from my mom’s death.  I’ll never have all my feelings about that woman sorted out completely.)

Was interrupted while writing this by my ride to work, who is on his way to get me, so I’d better blast off and get prepared.  What a nice ironic illustration of the point I was interrupted in making.

Live, love, learn, laugh.