So other than the situation I talked about in my last blog, let’s see what else is going on life-wise:
I may have an inside line on a drum gig that could prove very interesting. Unfortunately it’s proving a bit difficult to follow up on it, since the connection between me and the person looking for the drummer is very thin – friend of a friend of a friend type of thing.
Samara has been in touch. Apparently while I was living in my car, she was fighting for her life due to some medical issues she’s been dealing with. Between the time I decided to go to Cali and the time I got there, she was diagnosed with a tumor on her jaw, fortunately benign but still requiring some pretty major surgery. She had a bad reaction to the painkillers and was in the ICU during the week I was sleeping in my car, and has been basically asleep and/or immobile up until a couple of weeks ago. She’s supposed to be done with the doctors and stuff around the middle of October, and says she’s headed my way as soon as humanly possible.
Heart and head are divided on this one. Me being me, I’m going with my heart, for now, but my head isn’t conceding the battle yet either; I’m going to have to see some real action before my trust will flow freely.
It’s been nice to note that nobody I meet seems to believe I’m nearly as old as I am. That’s good, because I don’t feel nearly as old as I am.
Music-wise, a couple of things are happening here and there, but nothing to really talk about just yet. We’ll see where it goes. I guess I’m just cynical – I don’t spend money until the check clears.
Sometimes I feel like my life is over, I’ve wasted any and all opportunity and talent that I’ll ever have, and I may as well just cash it in.
Then I figure if it was time for me to go, the world or fate or “God” or whatever would take the decision out of my hands. I guess until I die of some cause other than my own hand, you’re stuck with me. I’m just not feeling a lot of hope and sunshine right now. There doesn’t seem to be any end to this constant useless struggle to keep myself fed and watered. I don’t want the rest of my life to be like the last few years have been. That’s why I left NC.
My dream in life is to endow Western Michigan University with substantial enough millions to create a school of modern performing arts – rock star college, more or less, where people like me don’t have to live their lives at the mercy of the fates and a fickle, selfish, avaricious world that cares only for itself.
It’s ridiculous that the only thing stopping me from making huge, positive differences in the world is lack of money. Who built this stupid system, anyway? Once upon a time, I’d have been a patronized philosopher or something, with some idle, wealthy minor noble covering the needs of my existence so that I could be allowed to solve problems, seek wisdom, and share what I learn with the world without having to worry about where my next meal is coming from.
Instead, I’m just some old longhair running his mouth on a blog that I can’t afford to keep running, sleeping on a floor in a borrowed room and hoping nobody notices that I’m about as useful as a fart in a windstorm.
It dawns on me that I may be a bit depressed today. *shrug*