Not much has improved.  While I do indeed have every legal right to insist on a thirty-day written notice to vacate, according to the Legal Aid folks here in sunny CA…bottom like, why the hell would I want to.  I don’t want to be here.  I’ve been betrayed, humiliated, and backstabbed by someone I trusted, why in the world would I want to continue sharing space with them?

This has been a recurring theme in my life.  I’m damned sick of it, honestly, but what can you do?  Turn into some muttering anti-social recluse?  Not my style (in spite of all the evidence to the contrary).

So in a few hours I’ll throw myself on the mercy of the State of California’s social welfare program and see what my options are.  I’ve agreed to have my crap out of here by tonight.  Unlike my hosts, I’ll continue to live up to the agreements we’ve had in place regarding things like websites and the use of my artwork as a book cover…although I don’t believe I’ll be editing any more novels for that particular author in the future.

I actually have almost everything packed back up in my van now – only my computer and toiletries are left.  I’m going to wait until after I get done at the welfare office to return here and pack that stuff up, and then I’m gone.  Probability approaches one that I will be sleeping in my van tonight.  Tomorrow…who the hell knows?  It’s a blank slate right now – maybe there will be immediate help available, and maybe there won’t.  One thing’s for certain – any situation that involves leaving my van parked unattended in a bad neighborhood is just not an option.  Everything I own, including this rather valuable computer and everything on it, which constitutes the better part of my portfolio from the last fifteen years of web and graphic design, will be in that van.  Leaving it unattended with all that stuff in it…not gonna happen.

Seriously, if anyone reading this happens to be full of money and has been waiting for the right time, place, and reason to rack up some good karma…boy, I could sure use your help.  The PayPal button is on the right, you don’t have to have a PayPal account to make a donation – just a credit/debit card.

My hosts have been - *ahem* - ‘kind’ enough to lay a few bucks on me to put enough gas in my car to get to the welfare office, but it’s not even enough to get a cheap hotel for the night beyond that.  Maybe a couple of dollar sammiches at Casa del McDonald.

I guess this is where I could rant and rave and be angry and bitter and insulting…but I won’t.  I’ll save that for social and political issues (I *do* have one more video in the can that I’ll post later, plus one that I put up a couple of days ago that I’ll add a post for after this one, this morning).  There’s just no point in bothering…and honestly, it’s for them and their gods to deal with.  My conscience is clear; I have broken no promises, made no misleading statements, blown no smoke up people’s tailpipes.  If someone chooses to misrepresent me or anything I’ve said or done…*shrug*.  Let ‘em.  I don’t have time to even worry about that kind of petty bullshit.

So I’ll be getting on with my life.  If some magical fairy godmother/father who has spare money dripping out of their bank account feels like dropping a gift on me…well, I’ll certainly be grateful and will use it the wisest and most effective way I know how to get back on my feet, whatever that might be.  I’ll more than happily work with anyone making such a contribution to my continued existence to do whatever I can for you, although obviously I’m hard-pressed to suggest anything that I might be able to do for anyone given my current state of mind and circumstance.

If not?

I’ll live. 

And eventually I won’t just live, but I’ll thrive.  I’ve been through worse. 

Yes, I’m scared.  Yes, I’m angry.  Yes, I’m hurt.  Yes, I’m bitter.

But I’ll live, and I’ll live with a clear conscience.

At the very least, I should be able to keep an eye on my e-mail and continue writing here via public computers (i.e. the library).  But really, I’m not looking that far ahead right now; right now I’m looking only as far as this morning, and what I’ll find out from CA social services.  I sure hate to fall back to relying on public assistance…but what choice do I have?  I don’t have food for crying out loud, nor anyplace to cook it if I did.  I sure as hell don’t have the resources to shack up in a Residence Inn for a couple of months while I find work. 

Anyway.  I’m basically just rambling at this point because I’ve got nothing better to do for the next hour or so while I wait to drive up to Woodland and talk to The System.  I’m going to put up a quick post with my “Liberalism, Education, and the Devolution of Thought” video in another post right after this, and I’ve got a new video from my latest “set,” addressing the Palin-Letterman kerfluffle, processing at YouTube right now as well.