I'm seeing a lot of messages like this in the Google AdSense Help Forums lately:

To the Big Guy, Google:

As a Gay voter AND constant user of Google's products and services, I am disappointed, nay pissed rather, with GOOGLE for its Pro Proposition 8 ads showing up in unwanted places as reported in the news and commented here and in hundreds of blogs already.  

Where are the Ombudsmen and the PR folks to apologize in the news and to explain whatever technical "problemo, dude" will get blamed for this? 

You are the premier technology conduit of information for most of the world. You are a youngish, forward-thinking, nay future-BLAZING company leaving Gates and others to follow you.  You are a part of California.  

Please don't piss off and get the attention of every mobilized gay in California for long. Fix it, apologize, don't be corporate or defensive about it, and think of history and how you have an opportunity here to still be the cool good guy.  Certainly the Mormon Church's checks have all cleared by now... right?  But the offense I feel now about this just piles on top of my confusion and anger when days before the election, I myself kept running in to those PRO Prop 8, "Protect Marriage" ads all over my browser.  I think I still have the civil right to boycott.  Don't I?

 

It's probably right next to the apology from all of the publishers who don't understand what 'context' means and think their political opinions are the only ones that Google should take into account when considering an ad placement.

While I personally agree with the opposition to Proposition 8 and think it's a horrible thing, the ads were carefully crafted so as to not violate the 'advocacy against' clause of the AdWords terms of service.  If Google had denied them, instead of a bunch of gay rights activists in here raising a stink and acting like their opinions are the only ones that matter, it'd be the Mormons and conservative Christians doing it.  Like it or not, the right to free speech includes the right to speech you don't like; attempting to browbeat or censor these people by shaking your fist impotently at Google is not only hypocritical, it's a waste of time.

Maybe 'every mobilized gay in California' should take into consideration that while their opinions are certainly valid and they have every right to express them, there are other opinions as well, and in continuing to rail and bitch at Google about this, all you're doing is wasting time and energy that would be more effectively spent protesting the people who bought the ads and encouraged Prop 8.  This is an unfortunately situation of Google being in a position where there is no possible action they could or can take that wouldn't result in roughly half of California being angry.  I would have made the same decision - since no matter what you do you're going to have roughly 50% of the world mad at you, then the only differentiating factor is if they  accept the ads - and frankly I'm not sure how much choice they had anyway, since there's nothing inherent about the ads (at least the ones I saw) that Google could have denied them for - they and their publishers get paid.

Point your anger and frustration at someone who deserves it.   All you're doing here is heaping abuse and guilt on people who did nothing to deserve it.  The world does not always operate the way you, or I, think it should.  I see nothing in the AdWords program policies that would have allowed Google to refuse these ads without facing a possible lawsuit; if they refuse these ads, then they have to refuse the "No on 8" ads as well, and likely every other form of political advertisement.  If Google were to come out with some kind of 'apology' for the ads, then other advertisers would have to wonder whether Google would sabotage their ad campaigns by 'apologizing' too.

Under the circumstances, they made the best business decision that they possibly could have, and I'm sure they spent a good while debating the ethical implications.  I don't see anything that they could have ethically done differently, no matter how much they as a company or their employees collectively may have disagreed with the purpose of the ads.

So please:  stop wasting the valuable resources of this help center and go boycott the people who are actually responsible for Prop 8 if that's what you feel the need to do.  Head to http://www.who.is/ and search for the domain registration records for ProtectMarriage.Com, as well as the owner of the IP block they're hosted on and their hosting company.  Find out who produced the ads, who sponsored them, who is tied to them.  These are people who could have turned that work down and didn't.  I wouldn't bother with GoDaddy, since they have no grounds to refuse the domain registrations, but Wiredtree.Com and Visteva.Com could refuse to host or provide connectivity to the sites.  Find out who designed the site.  These are the people you should be holding accountable, not Google - their hands, and GoDaddy's, are very much tied in this situation.  Somebody got paid to create that website, and could have said no.  Somebody got paid to host that website, and could have said no.  Somebody got paid to produce those ads, and could have said no.  Organizations donated or sold money, time, and resources to support the publicity for this initiative, who could have said no. 

If you want to get in to the consumer activism thing, that's where you should be looking - at those who could have said no.  Don't act as though these people have no right to their opinions, because they do have that right. 

Best of luck to you.

Now, in order for the rest of what I have to say to be effective, I need to make some things clear, so bear with me for a minute.

First:  I'm straight.  I'm just not narrow.  I've had gay friends most of my life, even going back into childhood, and while I find the idea of me personally engaging in gay sex to be repulsive, I have absolutely no problem at all with any other consenting individuals doing as they see fit.  I understand that homosexuality is not a "choice," because I know for certain that my heterosexuality is not a "choice" - that's the way I'm wired, I don't get turned on by men.  Never have, and frankly if I did I'd probably be a lot less lonely. 

I think that the narrowminded panic of bigots in regards to 'the children' is ignorant, wrong, and pointless; it's perfectly reasonable and possible to discuss gay marriage without getting in to the mechanics of homosexuality.  These kinds of homophobic, hang-wringing protests are exactly the same arguments you used to hear against teaching kids about other religions, interracial marriage, minority cultures, and all of the other hate or fear-related things thathave been 'forbidden' to children throughout the years.  There's a subtle and irrational, but ugly, undertone involved that relates homosexuality to the predation of children. We need to change the way people think in this country about the right of human beings to love who they want.

So we agree on all of that.

But as a straight man, I also have the chance to hear things that maybe polite people won't say directly to gays, just like as a man who appears white I have had to endure racial jokes directed at minorities.  Here's a few clues for those who want to really make a difference and minimize backlash:

• Becoming hostile or trying to prevent people from speaking their minds on this issue is hypocritical and no less a violation of rights than hostility toward gays.  People have the right to be straight, too, and they have the right to express their opinions in regards to gay marriage.  I don't like those opinions, but this is all about freedom...and if people are going to expect the right to express themselves, they can't get there by trying to stifle the free speech of others.
• Aggression and anger are self-defeating.  The vast majority of people who are so opposed to gay marriage have fear about homosexuality.  Adding aggression and hostility to that does nothing to alleviate that fear - rather, it makes it worse.
• The way to overcome irrationality and emotion is with logic and a clear head.  I understand that it's difficult to avoid becoming emotional yourself when you're dealing with such a personal issue, but you won't win any fights that way.
• Accept that this is not going to be an overnight change.  We live in a world that is constantly evolving, now faster than ever.  We've just elected the first Black President of the US.  People who grew up in a culture of segregation and bigotry find these changes difficult to take because it's forcing them to change the way they've always thought - some of them for forty, fifty, sixty years or more.
• There will always be a segment of society who believes that homosexuality is a choice and a 'sin,' and there will always be a subset of that segment who are utter failures in their religious faith, forgetting that in all religions, Judgement is reserved to the Creator(s).  You may change these people individually, one at a time, but you will not change them as a group.  We are at least a few more generations removed from seeing that kind of major shift in thinking.
• The best way to make an impact is to be polite, firm, and understanding.  Calling people ignorant bigoted homophobes isn't going to get anyone anywhere.  If you're going to ask for respect, understanding, tolerance, and empathy, then you have to show respect, understanding, tolerance, and empathy.
• Look within yourselves.  I've known my fair share of gay men and women in my life who were terribly bigoted against ethnicities, genders, and religions.  Motes and beams, kids - you gotta be the better world you want for yourself before you can expect to bring anyone else around to your way of thinking.
• Be strong, but not militant; be firm, but not aggressive; be proud, but not self-righteous; stand against intolerance without being intolerant.  Sound and fury tends to attract the wrong kind of attention; a calm and reasoned argument, however, will move hearts and change minds.
• There are systems and mechanisms in place to forestall Toqueville's "tyranny of the majority."  Find them, use them.
  

I've already gone on too long with this.  I hope that some of you folks out there who are so hurt and angry - rightfully so! - about Proposition 8 and other, similar measures passed in other states will take what I've said into consideration and use it to channel your energy and effort into effective social activism.

A note to those reading who may well be opposed to gay marriage:  I've seen a lot of interviews with anti-gay marriage activists and protesters bemoaning the idea that 'these concepts are being taught to children,' and that 'it's no longer a matter of opinion; if you oppose gay marriage you're treated like a bigot.'

That's because these concepts exist in the real world, where children live, and it's not a matter of opinion.  There is no rational or ethical basis to withold the benefits of marriage from a couple just because they are of the same gender.  The reality is that from the point of view of the state, a marriage is a business partnership; 'traditional marriage' is a religious issue and by rights the US and state governments have no business endorsing it.  To claim that it's "wrong" or "immoral" is an act of bigotry and intolerance and hate and ignorance.  You might not like hearing that...and I'm sorry you don't, but that's just too bad.  We have wasted far too much time in this country trying to coddle those who have difficulty dealing with uncomfortable subject matter.  It is not your business what any other human being does with their body so long as informed consent is present. 

It is not rightly a matter of 'a parent's choice' to teach or not to teach their children that gay marriage exists; that some boys like boys and some girls like girls.  The more we teach this, the more effectively we can teach our children to not only accept the broad spectrum of humanity, but also things like how to politely say 'thanks, but no thanks.'  For hundreds of years we've taught our young girls how to graciously decline a pass made at them by a man, but we have steadfastly refused to give our kids the tools to do the same when the person making the pass is of the same gender.  This has led to countless incidents of pointless, senseless violence and even murder, and if we are to be a healthy society it needs to be stopped.  Nobody is asking you to participate directly in a gay marriage; nobody is asking you to let them 'recruit' your child.  But you have an obligation as a citizen to work to improve society, and as we have seen so profoundly driven home in the recent election, that means that even if you aren't capable of leaving the poisonous prejudices you were raised with behind, you have no right to prevent your children, and through them society as a whole, from moving beyond this destructive and irrational way of thinking. 

Good luck to you all.